I Ain't Hatin'

I don't know why people think I hate men.

Maybe it's because people who were abused by men tend to? I don't know. To me, like everyone else on the planet, everyone is different. While I'll admit to an irrational fear of balding men, since most men who abused me were, I'm convinced all pedophiles are balding; I know

rationally that can't be true. 

Like one person of one race or religion or culture, the behavior of a few people of one gender doesn't speak for them all. I, of all people, know that there are individuals going "Hey, not all <enter race/religion/gender/orientation> is like/likes <stereotype>, and screw you for thinking we all do."

So, no. Men are the best, oddly. One messed me up in ways I will never entirely recover from, but it's my mother who iced that cake. He was under age, in her care too. She knew, and continues to know what he's capable of. She didn't raise a finger. She kept me quiet. She eventually contradicted everything I screamed. She turned everything I asserted back around and made me the bad guy. I was evil for accusing her of any failure, and how dare I! 

Hattie Dorsett in Sybil, a movie I relate to ALL too well.

She had it in her hands to stop it. She didn't. She let me know she never wanted me, and let it continue as if she were punishing me for failing to die before I was born. My brother, meanwhile, punished me to get back at her for having me. What a wonderful web.

Woman haters.

I've seen my mother in other women, though. Where men generally seem to be rational, open-minded, and naturally protective, the women in my life have been combinations of irrational, jealous, and spiteful. From what I've seen of the "Feminist" movement lately, this isn't limited to women in my life. :-/ (Again, I know not all women are like this. I'm not. There just seems to be a trend t'word it, and... I'm just unlucky.)

In any case, I find it harder, by leaps and bounds, to give women trust, and yet my doctors fear giving me a male Doctor.

Tough & Sexy. My kind of heroine.

No. Please do.

It's just an assumption, I guess, that, being abused by men, that you'll cling to women. It's like the assumption that, as a woman, you'll agree with other women, or that you want children, or that you're "closer to nature", or that you find porn evil, or that you need approval from others, or that you find chain mail bikinis offensive, or that you want to clean toilets.

No. I ain't hatin'. I'm rational. I just accept that I have irrational thoughts sometimes based on my past. Knowing helps.

~DC