Things Yet Forgotten

Lately, I've had one hell of a lot of trouble with my coccyx. Yes, it is a fun word to say: coccyx. Try it.

In a nut shell, it's my tailbone - the lowermost tip. The past 4 days it's been making life very difficult. Besides nigh unbearable pain, I haven't been able to bend most of the time. I can now, but when I do, well, there's the nausea. The pain has crept up half of my back, too. 

Unfortunately, this isn't the first time this has flared up. I went to the doctor about it a couple of years back. Now, I've shared that I was abused, but not any details, so when the always cheery man who wears bright patterns to work nodded grimly at me and said that was common among adults who'd suffered anal trauma as a child. It very well could have been fractured at the time.

Now, I remember playing double-penetration with my girlfriends when I was 10 or so, and I know there's no a way a child that age should have any concept of that. So...

I just don't recall anything like that. Still, there's so much pain and so much behavior I understand now that I didn't a few years ago. 

Before my first surgery, I cramped for months upon months, but I had the flashbacks to guide me to the problem. I'm not saying I want them; some things I feel I'm better off not knowing. My mind seems to be guiding me to them, though.

I've had two in the past 3 weeks and now I'm seeing "cracks in the wall" to another. I'm hearing a song over and over and I keep trying to counter it with another, like I had with the Rod Stewart song he played. I keep trying to plug up the holes in the dam, but I feel it's all related to this pain and my mind is telling me it's time - like it or not.

After the last 2, I feel like barrages of waves are rolling me over and it's ultimately time to be sunk by them or ride the wave. Sadly, I'd likely feel more like surfing if it didn't hurt so much to stand. :-P

~DC